Tales From The Treadmill (Day 3)

What a crazy day at the gym!


I met with a personal trainer to do my "fit assessment".  Yeah, that was depressing.


But I'm keeping it real, so it had to be done.


Afterwards I jumped on the treadmill.


There was the "Latin Kings Gangsta Chick" on the stair climber.  Can someone explain to me why you must dress like a gang-banger and go to the gym?  Bandana headband, white tank-top (more like a men's undershirt), black baggie pants and another bandana tied on her wrist.  Of course she was wearing hi-top basketball type gym shoes.  Interesting look and she definitely had the attitude to match.


Then there was the Dancing with The Stars dude on the treadmill a couple of rows in front of me.  I was quite intrigued by his initial moves as it appeared he was "warming up" for something big.  Then he broke out in what can only be described as The Quick-Step.  Literally, he looked like he was doing the Quick Step on the treadmill.  Sideways, skipping, flicking his feet, etc.  Honestly, I feared he would face plant.  But, he managed to keep it up for nearly 5 minutes.  Then he disappeared into the weight section. I wonder if he Rhumba's while lifting.?


Then there was butt-kicker man.  Now, let me start out by saying that I am not a runner.  I have never been a runner.  I can't run at all.  I do dream of being a runner though.  I dream of running a marathon.  It's a long (long long long) term goal.  But, I gotta say I don't get the butt-kickers.  Wouldn't that make you insane?  Wouldn't it hurt?  I mean, you're running and then you keep kicking yourself in the arse.  I'm just saying.  Plus, you gotta admit, it looks a little silly.


Note to you Mr. Important - what on earth do you do that makes you so stinking important that you need to walk around the gym on your cell phone?  


And to you, Mr. Keeping It Real Guy, you rock!  I cannot believe how far and fast you can run on the treadmill.  I'm so impressed - you and I could be friends once I become a runner.  But, dude, check out some different underwear.  They must have really been bothering you something awful since you were constantly digging them out of your buttocks.  Thanks for keeping it real dude.


And you, Miss Ballet Moves, what is the benefit of arabesque on the stair stepper?  
Your moves were quite poised despite being odd. LOL


And you, camo-muscle man, we need to talk. First off all, your body is smokin' hot. But, the 
flashdance shirt needs to go. Where did you find a shirt like that in 2010 and in camo no less! And we need to talk about the hair. I am certain this isn't a shock, but you're balding. I'm not
certain who told you that it was sexier to let the sides grow really long despite the fact that 
there is none on top, but they lied. Shave it all off dude. Come on, you can do it. The chicks
will dig it!


But, I must leave the treadmill to address the naked blow-dryer girl in the locker room.  Okay, so you're body might be nice, but we all don't need to see it for the 15 minutes or so that it takes you to blow-dry your hair.  Why can't you get dressed?  Do you get some secret thrill out of being naked in front of all of us, staring at yourself in the mirror while drying your hair.  Seriously, can't you at least wear a towel??  A little modesty would be appreciated.


Next up?  I get my weight training and cardio plan laid out by my assigned personal trainer.  I honestly laugh out loud because I can only imagine the humor others will (and have) get from me.  Perhaps the entire post will be poking fun at myself, but I have seen some of these macho men in the weight section and those women trying to pick up the macho men, so I think it may be fun.  LOL