Last night I realized I didn't have any ideas for what to blog about today and although I was a bit peeved with myself, I let it go and went back to reading my book (on my Kindle, which rocks). So, imagine how tickled I was this morning when I was reading THIS blog and came across THIS post! First of all, this girl is awesome. There is something about her that makes me feel connected. Do you ever feel that way with some blogs you read? Where you think, I feel like I could be best friends with this gal? It doesn't happen on every blog, but there are some that just hit me right here (taps heart) and I wonder why don't I have neighbors like that !?
So...
I was inspired by her blog today and I am going to "keep it real" and I hope that you will too. It makes us all realize that we're really not perfect people, living in a perfect bloggy world.
Okay, so...
Yesterday I realized that I've gotten waaay lazy. Even lazier than before. Hell, I have no idea how that happened, but it sure did. I'm much happier reading a book than taking care of all the things that I need to do. So, despite my little pity party, I am going to get up today (after coffee time) and do some serious housecleaning. Gotta be honest though, we're going on a tiny road trip tomorrow to hang with my husband's aunt and uncle at their way cool house and huge chunk o' land in Effingham, Illinois and IF we were to crash and die and someone had to come into my house to do - whatever, well, I don't want them thinkin I was a complete slob. Yes, my mind works this way. Strange as it may be, I worry about these things. Like, ya don't want 'em finding your dirty underwear. Okay, come on, think about it, it's gross!
So, I'm sure that I mentioned the son who moved out. Yeah, I made it sound all pretty and stuff, but honestly it's not. He's a wild child and didn't want to follow the house rules so he was given two options, follow the rules or get out. He left. I cried. I still cry. He's smart and funny and talented, but he's all about the party and he dropped out of high school. Yes, I feel like a failure of a mother. Perhaps I won't be competing for the mother of the year award (hey Kasey!) but it's the truth.
I'm a screamer too. NO - get your mind out of the gutter. I mean, I yell. I yell too much. I yell at everyone. Kids, dogs, hubby, etc. I lose it. It's awful. My mom was a screamer too. I'm trying not to be. I'm praying about it, and despite the situation improving, I still yell.
I've also surprised myself. Ya know that very used car I now own? I'm falling in love with it. Now, if you know how I love style and comfort and NEW cars, you'd be shocked and taking my temperature. I know my husband is. But, there is something oddly connecting me to my new "vintage" Volvo. I'm thinking of calling her Vivian. She's blue and her paint color is really worn, but for whatever reason, I am in love with her.
You may (or may not) have noticed that I've never ever shown a picture of myself. At least I don't think I have. I don't do pictures since I got fat. And, if we're being honest, I'm fat. I was never fat, swore I would never be fat, but I'm fat. I gained a lot of weight with my last son and despite losing a bunch of it, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and put on meds and the weight just jumped on. Now, to be fair, I don't work out. I used to, I plan to, but to date I don't. I'm going to though. I'm a planner and I've got a date in mind. But, that's not my point, okay, what was my point? OH yea! So, I've got this thing. I'm petrified that someone won't like me or won't read my blog if they realize that I'm not a perfect cute little thing. I hope I'm being ridiculous, but like I said, I'm keeping it real here. So, I've decided that today I will share a photo of myself with my "new" do that I got the other day. I chopped off all my hair. Yup, about 10 or 11 inches or so. I'm loving it! So, please ... be nice.
So, as I sit here in my imperfect house, wearing pajamas that don't match, with my hair a complete mess, seeing dog hair in the corner, drinking coffee out of a cup that has coffee drips on the outside of it, looking around at all the "stuff" that is out of place doing nothing but blogging I hope that you feel inspired to "keep it real" and "spill it" too.
I'm off to do the laundry and clean the house.
May your day be filled with sunshine and love.
9 comments:
I think you are being hard on yourself! Think of all your good qualities. I think it is harder to raise children today -there are so many different values and so many temptations.You obviously care about your children so don't be too hard on yourself.They do get more common sense when they get older.
I like your hair-I think I remember a nice photo of you on your birthday in a restaurant.
I was touched by you kind comment on my blog today-thank you!
Take care,
Carolyn
Love your hair! Too cute. I am growing mine out to donate it and when it gets long enough- CHOP! And you are not alone w/ the housecleaning thing- trust me. I have laundry that is clean that has been sitting on various pieces of furniture in my living room for a few days now. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. lol And don't beat yourself up over your son, you can only do so much! ((((HUGS))))
Te hee! I loved this,of course, I feel so much better now! :) About your son, my brother was the same way only it seems maybe 10x worse, you just have to do what is best and hope they take what you instilled in them growing up and use it. I went throught that party stage too, my mom thought I lived out of my car, and was losing my direction, and now I sit here at 30having gone through so much, LEARNED a lot, partied, and got all of that out of my system, and I am happy, happier then if I hadn't done those things! Thanks for keeping it real, I love your hair, if i could rock short hair I would...seriously! Have fun on your little road trip...and friends, yes I believe we are! :)
I just found your blog and I think alot of can identify with what you said. My oldest son is 31 but when he was a teenager we went through something similiar but there is hope! He has become so mature and I am so proud of him! As for cleaning the house....I hear ya! I know I have to do it so I do but not in the record time I used to. I always clean the house before going on a trip...lol...I think the same way you do! It's also nice to come home to a clean house!
~Patti
Chicka, this is my most favorite post of yours by far.
Nobody is perfect, and although I mainly post about happy stuff, you gotta know it's not always pretty here at the Kelsey house. Like last night when I had to threaten Joe with his life if he didn't start helping me out around here. Nope, not pretty at all. But he reads my blog, so I can't go too crazy on that front...
I am loving the hair, as you already know.
And I love getting to know the "real" you, not just the "bloggy" you.
Love, Heather
When I read your blog, I could identify with you. I commend you on being real on your blog as way too many are not.
I will tell you first. Don't beat yourself up about your son. Its called tough love and you did the right thing, otherwise, you would have enabled him to be dependent and irresponsible. AGain, you did the right thing. Stand strong.
I did something similar with my son after he sat around not attending college or working for a year. He is not very independent and unfortunately joined the National Guard and in Afghanistan. I know what you feel. But, I had to just come to terms that its sometimes not in parental guidence that results in these situations, other factors do as well including peers, and just our environment.
So, hold on and know you are a good mom.
Jennifer
http://www.feathersinthenest.blogspot.com/
p.s. love your haircut. I seem to cut mine shorter every year. Easier to deal with.
First of all, good for you for being a strong parent! It's not easy to do the tough but right things for your children. You are obviously a very strong person, even if you are not feeling it right now!
Good for you for keeping it real! I, too, have felt what you've felt. You are very courageous to share.
I understand, too, about "connecting" with certain blogs. That's one of the things that makes the blogsphere a wonderful place to be.
honesty
love it
you know, I was at a baby shower, and we all had to go around and give the "new mom to be" advice...
people said "hold her as much as you can"
"you can never spoil your baby"
"it goes by so fast. enjoy it"
then they got to me...
"Dont feel ashamed if one day you hate being a mother"
there was silence...
I have always believed that all mothers would be SO much happier if we all kept it real. We all have these moments of failure, despair, joy, inspiration, regret, pride, happiness, frustration, fear, and my favorite...fat.
I love this post
I love your hair (just cut mine too)
I yell at my kids
and I have a wild child
putting you in my prayers right now...
and thanks for spillin it
I love the honesty in this post! I can relate to a lot of what you said! We are all a work in progress for sure!
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