Long story short...
I have a sister who is messed up with a capital M. She's been a drug-addict, a prostitute, she has a felony record, she's bi-polar and is HIV positive. She is 35. She has a son who is 18, one who is 12 and one who is 3 - all different fathers and to be truthful we are only certain about one father. The father of the 3 year old, who is all that my sister is and then some. My parents have raised her older two boys literally their entire life; they have custody of the boys, my sister has no rights. Her youngest boy was taken from her about 2 years ago and is in foster care in Florida, where she was living. I received a call yesterday from agencies requesting me call them in regards to taking on the responsibility of said nephew. Thus far tests have been negative for HIV, but it appears that he may be autistic and have other complications. He was born at 1 lb. 8 ounces and addicted to drugs. The other boys both have HUGE issues due to their mother's abandonment, and other things.
So, the question is, what do I do? If I think logically, I know that emotionally and financially I cannot take on this child. If I think with my heart, I know that Jesus would not hesitate to take this child and love him unconditionally. I wasn't ready for this. I'm not ready for this. My reasons for not seem so completely selfish I'm almost ashamed of myself.
Then on the flip-side I am angered that my sister keeps having children and just dumping them places and moving on with her life. She walked out 7 years ago this past September and showed up again in our lives this past December. Chances are she will do this again - she's been doing this since she was 14.
So, what would YOU do?
8 comments:
I would be on the same fence you are sitting on right now.
I have a sister who is very similar to yours. She gave up custody of all three of her children years ago, and has since had two more by a different man. She has kids younger than her own grandkids, since her daughters seem determined to follow in her footsteps.
I can tell you this. My mom did EVERYTHING she could for my sister, including taking care of her kids. It has affected every aspect of her life. And to be honest, the kids are still screwed up.
Yes, you are right, I'm sure Jesus would not hesitate. However, Jesus wasn't married, working, caring for His own children and spouse, going back to school...you get the idea.
There is the right thing to do, and there is also the right thing for you and your whole family.
Suz, pray. I will, too. That a decision comes to you that you can ALL live with.
God bless you for even considering taking this on.
Knowing your own limitations is not selfish.
I agree with the two previous comments! You have to know your limits! What good would it do this little boy if he came into your home and you would only be doing this because you think you "should"?
I just read your previous post too and you are going through changes and working more, going to school again....I think it´s a bit much.
You should do what feels right.
Such a hard situation. I think you have to first take stock of what it would do to your own family. I know that if it were me it would put a HUGE strain on my marriage....my hubby would be so against it. So I would take that into consideration first. I don't think you should mess up your own family dynamics because of mistakes your sister made. No sense in two families being ruined. You are the only one who can know what your limits are. I don't think "guilt" should even play a part in your decision. I'll keep you and the little boy in my prayers.
Pray...pray hard. I know what I would do, but you have to do what is right for you. I just know that the family member that we lost 2 weeks ago tomorrow was a baby like your nephew. He had a hard life, made life difficult sometimes, but he was a blessing in our lives.
Tough situation!! I will be praying for you. That just breaks my heart for those kids.
You have a very hard decision to make, but remember, the Lord only gives us what he knows we can handle. If you do decide to take the child, you will be blessed in many ways, but you also have your own family to think about. If you don't take him, hey that's okay also, you don't have to answer to anyone except yourself. My prayers are with you and your family as you make your decision.
Many Blessings,
Barbara
Suzann, this is a difficult situation. No decision is wrong or right. We make choices based on our current circumstances at the time. Based on your current circumstances, it doesn't seem like an ideal situation for a troubled child to be in. Nor does it seem like a bright idea for you and your family. Weren't you and your DH having difficulties?
This child WILL need 100% focus and attention on he/she and their problems. This child will have a life-long battle ahead. This isn't something that just goes away with therapy and love. It doesn't seem that you have the time to take care of him/her and give yourself totally to their life.
You can't help what your sister does or doesn't do, but you can control your own. You can only deal with yourself and your own. This child does need saving, however, you may not be the one to be his/her savior.
I can only imagine how you must feel. But don't feel obligated just because he is family. You are NOT responsible for your sister's mistakes and you're not responsible for this child. It is so unfortuate what is happening to this kid, to you, your family, and even to your sister, but what has been done is done. So now what?
We all would make one decision over the other and you have that same one to make. You will make the decision that coinsides with your life bc let's face it, how healthy would it be for you and for this child?
And, if your sister is back in your lives at the moment, give her an ultamatim. She sounds like she needs an aggressive intervention. Family is ALL we really have in life. Don't give up on her. I have a brother that is an addict and is currently seeking help, and my FIL is an alcoholic. It sounds like everyone could use some help.
There is a saying: Progress not perfection.
I'll think of you. Let us know what transpires.
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