Spilling The Beans...

Well, let's have another spill the beans kind of post.

Life has been ridiculous lately. I feel like I'm so completely under pressure that I might burst at any moment.



Lots of things happening in my world. Changes with work. Changes at home. School starting in a couple of weeks.
Cheerleading Practices and camps. Driving lessons. Money, cleaning, cooking, dogs, children, marriage...



Let's be honest, in a perfect world we have moments when we just want to run screaming, pulling out our hair. In a not
so perfect world, that feeling is multiplied a million times over.






We have been self-employed for 5 years. We had an accountant/financial advisor who happened to be a relative helping us. This same relative gave us bad advice and really wasn't performing up to par. We decided to try to use a payroll company and let the accountant let go of this responsibility. Upon hearing this he handed us a box of papers and told us to have a nice life. He removed us from his family. This person is (was) my uncle. After further investigation, I realized that he gave us some horrible advice and led us to purchase items that led to the ultimate death of our business.

I have been working diligently with my husband to rebuild our company. To "restructure". This is not easy. There is a lot involved with dissolving a company an starting a new one. Dealing with losing a large portion of my family has been quite heartbreaking too.

Marriage under the best of circumstances is not easy. Marriage with two people completely buried in stress and pressure is horribly difficult. Difficult beyond words. Too much explosive behavior.

The cherry on my sundae was being attacked yesterday by yet another relative. This relative started attacking me with horrible notes, calling me hateful and hurtful names. Yesterday was a day that led me to a breaking point that I didn't even know existed.

I have cried a lot of tears.

I have lost a lot of sleep.

I have felt my heart hurt - literally.

I asked for prayers. I needed the prayers. I am fortunate to know some amazing prayer warriors.

I have faith.



Today was a turning point.


I had lunch and a day of shopping in the rain in the historic district of downtown Geneva (about 30 minutes from my house). I forgot about all my troubles, if just for one day. I enjoyed spending time with my oldest girlfriend (we met at age 6) whose mere presence brought a simple calm into my chaotic world.

The weather was horrible. It rained the entire day.




The company was perfect. A gift from God.



A lesson was learned.

No matter how crazy, insane, chaotic, and horrible our lives become. No matter how hopeless we feel, there is hope.

I am blessed. You can take away everything that I have. My house, my clothes, my jewelry, my most treasured possessions, everything that I purchased in my lifetime. But I have my faith. And I serve an awesome God. He will not forsake me. He has sent me many gifts in the form of friends and the people I love who love me back.

People can say hateful horrible things to me, but I am still okay.

Everyday is full of blessings, but sometimes we have to look for them.

Today could have been a nightmare.

I was 30 minutes late, hubby and I had an argument, I forgot to do a very important task before leaving home this morning, and it was raining - a LOT.

But, I got to see a dear friend. A friend who has known me through some horrible things, a friend who held my hand and cried on my shoulder when her father passed away, a friend who loves me every day. We had lunch, delicious hot flavorful food - some people have only dreamed of such a delight. We strolled through lovely shops filled with lovely items for sale. Some people have never been into a store and could not ever fathom such a delight. I am blessed. I had a car to drive to
get me to this event, 30 minutes away - I am blessed.



Tonight my husband told me he loved me.

My son sat on my lap and giggled and laughed and made me smile.

My daughter asked me to drive her to a friend's house and I could.

My daughter asked me to go see Julie & Julia tomorrow.

Both my mother and my father are alive and spent time with my youngest son today.

My dear friend who brought me to the Lord prayed for me today.

You will read this blog, which I was able to type into my computer and post on the internet.

I am in my home which shelters me from the elements and provides for me a sanctuary of sorts.

For these reasons and many more - I am blessed.

It's going to be okay, I've got the Lord on my side.

I am smiling.

I did purchase 3 games that I cannot wait to play.

I purchased Farkle, LRC, and Bananagrams. I had the money to pay for these items and I have someone to play them with.





I am blessed.

You are blessed.

Everything will be okay. The sun will shine, life will go on, situations will change.

I have hope.



I am blessed.

This is me, the real me. Not prettied up, not showing a fake smile, but me - warts and all. Sometimes it is okay to be vulnerable. It's okay.

I am blessed.




Added at 10:50 a.m. (central time) on Saturday...
Too add to my disaster, my refrigerator broke sometime during the night. I just lost about $300 worth of meat. Anything else? Anything? We'll be eating lean for the month that's for sure. On top of which I get to save for a new fridge. UGH.

But, I have a home to put the fridge in. I have a small, old, spare fridge in the garage and a tiny dorm size fridge we use for beverages too. I am blessed. I can save and buy a new fridge, I am blessed. The items in the fridge were salvagable. I am blessed. I am frustrated, I am down in the dumps, but I am blessed.