Gym Shorts

Oh boy the gym is hopping!!  Gotta love summer time at the gym.  With the crazy heat, I am so thankful that I have an air-conditioned gym to go to.  Or seriously, I would not be working out.  Don't get me wrong, it's mighty humid in there and by the time I'm done working out, I feel like I resemble Monica from Friends.  You know the episode...They go to Barbados and her hair just progressively gets bigger by the minute.  Yup, that's me between sweat and humidity.

The Paki Posse has hired a trainer.  They work out with him a few times a week and it always makes me smile.  Their trainer thinks he's a comedian and makes me laugh too.  He loves to make these guys sweat and reach new heights of fitness.  The expressions on their faces say that they do not get his humor and most times I think they'd like to ring his neck.  LOL

Oh boy have I seen a few people lately.  Let's start out with Rodeo Rhonda.  She's a unique gal.  As she runs, only her right arm flings back like she's a rodeo rider.  Her left arm remains rather stationary which only adds to the amusement I find with it.  Yup, she's a hoot.

80's Elaine is new and I've only seen her two or three times.  But, she was quite a shock to me.  She wears a headband, tights, leg warmers, and those high top Reebok shoes that we all owned in the 80's.  I didn't even know that those things were still made.  I seriously saw her and started singing "Let's Get Physical" in my head.

As if 80's Elaine wasn't fun enough, there's this new gal that I'll call 70's Stephanie.  She wears street clothes and keds to the gym, her hair is feathered and wind tunnel tested.  (that's some serious hairspray when your hair doesn't move!) And she carries her purse with her.  She never quite sweats either.  For example, she'll get on the treadmill for maybe 10 minutes and then gets off, walks around, maybe looks out the window and then she'll return to the treadmill, hang her purse on the handles and do another 5 or 10 minutes.  Not sure what that's about, but it is a bit unusual.

Oh boy!  This next gal is an all-time favorite.  I'm very conscious about choosing bra color and shirt to ensure that you aren't putting your underclothes on display for all to see.  But, Leopard Leesa doesn't have that same motto in her book.  Leesa always wears a transparent tank top and a leopard bra.  Obviously you can SEE the bra or wouldn't be able to write about it.   Her doctor did a lovely job on her boobs, so I get that she wants to show them off, but seriously, do I have to see it!?!?!?  Tacky!!  To make it even more "special" she's got to be 50 and obviously was a sun-worshipper in a prior life and has the leather skin to prove it.  Oh she's a looker.  LOL

And my most recent discovery, Beret Billy.  This guy cracks me up.  He's older and not in great shape, so kudos to him for coming to the gym.  But, he wears a beret.  Seriously.  A blue beret.  Like perhaps he's going out for "french fries" after.  Bwahahahaha.  But, I want to know what is up with the beret!!!

Boot Camp Update...
Still plugging along 3x a week in my group.  The guy loves squats.  Me?  Not so much.  But, I love that they work.  Carlos?  Still spunky as ever and I'm getting more adjusted to his perkiness.

The Nether Region

Let's talk.  Let's really talk.  We all talk about it or think about it at some point.  Some of us do it, others say no.  Either way, it's out there.  You may or may not want to read the remainder of this post, but for those who can laugh about this stuff, read on.  To others?  Yea, maybe come back another time.  : )

So, my esthetician Lillian (nope that's not her real name, just her work name - and yes, most big salon-spas assign their employees "work names") has been after me for 2 years to go for it.   My reaction?  Are you insane!?  Who would put themselves through that kind of pain.  Yet, women do it every single day.

To wax or not to wax, that is the question...

Let's me honest, at 45 years old, you kinda think - nah.  Leave it alone.  But, then truth is, curiosity got the best of me.

Yup, I finally did it.  Lillian was thrilled beyond words!!  James (the appointment setter that I always speak to at my spa, and yes, he's gay) was tickled pink (no pun intended) that I was FINALLY going to give it a whirl.  At one point I felt like I was announcing my engagement with the hoopla surrounding my choice.  But, it kinda is a big deal.

So, Lillian explained the procedure briefly to me and mentions that I may want to take a pain killer and have a nice cocktail prior to coming in.  If nothing else, take some Ibuprofen.  Yup, not something you necessarily want to hear when you sign up for this procedure.  But, it had to be said.  In the effort of fairness, and complete horror of what might possibly be different about my Nether Region than other women's, I did share with her all the issues I worried I might have.  Then as if I was somehow compelled by an unspoken law, I asked the silly questions as well.  You know the ones.  Has anyone farted in your face?  What shall we chat about (if anything) while you are doing this?  How shall I prep?  etc. etc.

All questions being answered, the appointment made, now it's a waiting game.  You know, wait till your appointment date & time.  Wait until it's all grown out to the appropriate wax length, and so on.  I then began to discuss this at random with other women.  Do you?  Have you?  Do you know anyone who has?  And then I told people.  Makes it impossible to back out.

The day arrives.  Not too nervous, but nervous enough.  An hour before the procedure I took Ibuprofen (a lot) and poured myself a nice large glass of wine.  Got into my baggy boyfriend pants and granny panties (Lillian mentioned lack of friction might be an issue afterwards) When it was time to leave I grabbed a travel coffee mug and filled it with wine.  Got in the car (hubby was driving) and headed on out.

End result and final opinion?  Do it.  It's wonderful and awesome and truly NOT a bad experience at all. I would absolutely recommend not having a stranger perform this procedure, since it's an intimate exposure, and definitely shop around for who other gals recommend.  Was there pain involved?  Yes, but minimal.  Was it briefly uncomfortable?  Absolutely.  Will I do it again?  You bet your sweet patootie I will.

Gym Shorts

Okay, I'm way overdue for another edition of gym stories.

Last time I promised to talk about a few things or people...

Let's start with Alejandra, the Pilates Guru.  This is one crazy lady.  She reminds me of the trainer on Real Housewives of the O.C..  Right down to where she has a very heavy spanish accent.  This lady was insane and had a perfect body.  She made me laugh at myself.  After understanding WHAT she was saying (took forever to understand the word 'yellow') I then had to question her sanity when she asked me to do things that I am certain are not humanly possible.   Well, at least for this human.

Luke.  Ahhhh  Luke, the personal trainer.  He seems friendly enough, but I think he has a very deep rooted mean streak.  One day after he worked me out, even my boobs hurt.  Yup, you read this right.  My boobs!!!  And he laughed about it.  I couldn't walk or move my arms for 3 solid days.  It is truly sad when you're yiping "ouch" every time you move at all.  But Luke, in all in his sick sick moments, laughed and said, "Good!  Then we're doing well!!"  But, I am thankful for him and his twisted ideas of pain.  They are helping to reshape me.

Ahhhh...August the massage therapist.  When we re-joined the club we got a LOT of perks.  One of them being a massage, which I promptly claimed.  I have never had a massage.  I know, shock!  Okay, close your mouth, it's unbecoming.  LOL.  So, I was thrilled to get my first massage!!  August was maybe 5 foot tall and all of 100 lbs.  No way is this little thing going to even get me to relax with this massage.  Silly me.  For 30 minutes (I swear it was longer) this little thing massaged her heart out.  Not sure I actually relaxed at all, but I definitely got a massage.  The next day??  I was horribly ill.  I swore I had the flu.  I learned, however, that a massage can (and usually does) release toxins in your body.  The cure?  Get more massages.  Seriously.  Insane.

Hoppy Hannah...
Oh poor Hannah.  She hops when she runs.  Entertaining to say the least.  Literally she HOPS as she runs on the treadmill.  I've never seen anything like it.  I feel so bad for her knees.  She's not a big by any  means, but all that jumping truly is bad for the knees.  But, definitely awesome for entertainment purposes.

Camo Carol.  Every single day Camo Carol wears the same thing to the gym.  These khaki colored shorts and a camo tank top, khaki colored socks that go mid-way up her calf and khaki colored velcro "sneakers".  She always goes immediately to the elliptical trainer in front of where I am usually working out. It's predictable and crazy and entertaining.

Recently?  I've joined weight loss boot camp and the spunky little Carlos who runs the class is so danged perky that I would have sworn he was a cheerleader in a former life.  He yells, pushes us to go for more, and is always upbeat and well - despite being such a little spitfire, I like him.  He makes me think and push and well, I'm really starting to like him.

More soon...

Gym Shorts

By now you've figured out that I'm back at the gym and you know why.  To catch you up to speed, the weight loss had been moving along great and I've hit a wall.  I know that I need to move beyond this wall to achieve my goals, but I feel like I'm stuck and I have been for a good month now.  This week I will shake things up.

In case you didn't know, I'm a people watcher.  At some level we all provide entertainment in our normal behaviors.  I know that I do.

There is a new group at the gym.  They travel in a pack.  There's four of them.  I call them the Paki Posse.  Yup, 4 men - Indian (hence the Pakistani).  Yes, I realize they might not be from Pakistan, but for the sake of a cute nickname, that's what I call them.  They seriously crack me up.  They travel together always.  The four of them get on the elliptical machines, workout for "their time".  Then all four get off, and move to the recumbent bikes, workout for "their time" and all four move to the next station.  They are never ever apart.  Cracks me up.

I have also seen two men that we will call Sweaty Stan and Sweaty Steve.  Sweaty Stan was on the treadmill in front of my elliptical.  He's just running away like nobody's business.  Then I notice that his black shirt is really soaking wet and his hair looks like he just stepped out of the shower.  That's when I realized that everytime his foot lands on the treadmill sweat sprays off of him onto the people on either side of him and all over the treadmill.  This went on for a full 20 minutes.  I would have died if I was working out next to him, but the people that were the recipients of his sweat shower seemed oblivious.

Sweaty Steve was at least a good looking guy.  LOL.  And truly, a bit less sweaty.  I was on the stair climber (honestly, I do not know the true name for this machine, but it is killer).  And directly in front of me is a row of treadmills.  Here comes Sweaty Steve, and he cowboys up to the treadmill and starts his run.  He is sweating so much that this sweatpants were wet in the butt.  Truly an awkward moment.  LOL

Coming up in a future post I'll tell you all about my trainer Luke, Alejandra the Pilates Guru, August the massage and hip hop chicka, Hoppy Hannah, and Camo Carol.

Meanwhile, let's keep our fingers crossed that I am able to break through this wall once and for all this week!!!

Catching UP...

Let me just start out by saying that working a full-time job, working out daily, and keeping up with my family (which is honestly lacking) has left me with no time for blogs or blogging.  In fact I barely have any time to even bop around on facebook.  (I know, poor me, right!?)

So, work?  I'm loving working.  Really, I am.  There are always bumps in the road, but overall, I am blessing my family with the money and I am a happier person overall.  Shocking when you think about it.

We also discovered that it is much easier for me to get a productive workout in at the gym as opposed to at home, simply because of time and privacy issues.  Focusing and not be disturbed in a houseful of people is not an easy achievement.  When you realize that it isn't fair to be angry with your family for living in their own home - you decide to workout elsewhere.

So, to the gym you go.

With the gym comes discoveries.

With the gym comes people watching.

With the gym comes sore muscles.

With the gym comes much laughter.

Stay tuned for those silly and wonderful stories...

Things I Had Forgotten...

I had forgotten that it was wonderful to make yourself look good every single day.

I had forgotten that it was an incredible feeling to smile and laugh out loud.

I had forgotten that it was wonderful to have intelligent conversations with grown-ups.

I had forgotten that it feels amazing to think, work, learn, and challenge yourself.

I had forgotten what it felt like to be proud of myself.

I had forgotten that it is wonderful to feel a sense of purpose.

I had forgotten all about ME, but I'm glad I'm getting to know ME all over again.

A thought for Tuesday...

‎"What lies in our power to do, lies in our power not to do."

Aristotle

Taking Time Just for Fun!

This is me (on the left) and my dear friend Esther (the blonde).

We went out just for fun and boy did we laugh a LOT!!

I'm loving discovering ME.

(and YUP, I have lost weight)

This Says It All...

"When I let go of what I am, 

I become what I might be."

Lao Tzu

Today I am better than I have been in a very long time.

This Changes Everything Part Two...

Well, today marks day #7 of my new job.  I have overcome those voices in my head.  Those voices that tortured me all last week.  All the way from, "you can't do this,  to leave, you don't belong here", and "you're being a horrible rotten mother and wife and you'll never be successful" to "you can do this, I put you here, it's going to be fine".  On more than one occasion, I sat in my car at lunch time, eating my lunch, reading a book and crying.  I didn't give up.  I did my best to force that voice to leave my head (and my heart).  Yesterday was a great day for me emotionally.  Today, not such a great day.  I was weighed down with an insane amount of guilt.

I began to wonder if these voices and fears and worries were the norm for any woman who goes back to work after years and years of devoting her everything to being a wife and mother.  Am I alone in these crazy thoughts and worries?  I want to believe that I am not alone.  I want to believe that there are women out there who not only understand what I'm saying , but have walked in my shoes and survived.  I want to believe that someone out there is benefitting from me sharing my difficulties.

It's definitely hard to fit in to an office where everyone operates like a fine oiled machine.  It's tricky to get people to step outside of their comfort zone and come to me to ask questions and give assignments to.  It's really difficult for me to be aggressive to these same people to get them to embrace me.  But, I'm trying.

It's difficult to get my family to embrace and enjoy the changes that are happening right now.  For every day of smooth sailing, we have a few of utter pain.  Tough doesn't even seem to be a word that absolutely encompasses what's been going on here at home.  My husband is especially edgy.  At times, I would truly describe his behavior as mean.  I'm doing my best to be understanding and to remind myself that all of us are going through a period of adjustment, but there are moments where I am not doing that very well.

I am feeling a little more confident in myself.  A tiny bit every single day.  Not major leaps and bounds, but baby steps.

Now, if I could just figure out when would be the best time for me to work out every single day I'd be all set!!

This Changes Everything...

So, in case I didn't mention it (I'm sure I did), I got a full-time job.

Now, to be honest, I have always worked.  

Ever since I was 15 years old I have had a job and earned a paycheck.

Over the past 17 years, I have worked a very flexible job.  

This week changed all that.

Boy have I been on a roller coaster ride this past week.  I have prayed for God to help us with money or work or something.  Times are tough.  I started applying for jobs really half-heartedly, but I did it none-the-less.  Somedays I would send out 15 resumes.  I had a few interviews, but one with a placement agency.  That was the one I didn't think would come through for me.  Honestly, it was terrifying to interview at all for a job.  But, I prayed.  I prayed that God would have his hand in this situation.  I overcame my fear by constantly reciting, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" over and over again.  I got a job.  A job that I started on Monday.  So many feelings have come through me.  Excitement, encouragement, fear, and guilt.  Lots and lots of guilt.  Boy have I prayed this past week.  I have prayed for guidance, for assurance, for peace, for a definite confirmation that I was doing the right thing.  These are the times when I wish God would leave me a post-it note on the bathroom mirror.

No such post it note was left.  Dang it!  But, I continued to pray.  On Sunday, while in church, I heard this tiny voice tell me, "You don't belong here..."  I sang on in praise and worship and gave my all to my Lord and got rid of that voice.  Day #1 was fine at the office, but I was exhausted at the end of the day. But I still heard that voice telling me, "You don't belong here".   Day #2 met me with much confusion and guilt and insecurity and pressure and the tiny voice continued to plague me, "You don't belong here".  My husband hasn't been dealing well with the changes, so he's been really laying on the confusion and guilt and it's been weighing me like a blanket.  Day #3 came and went and along with it were the waves of back and forth.  But, I did find out that my references and the company that I am working for are insanely pleased and positive over me.  The voice of the enemy had stopped saying, "You don't belong here" as I have taken that thought captive and it has been replaced with, "You are blessing your family, but in a different way.  I put you here, this is where you belong". 

Being me, I still had those bricks of doubt trying to place themselves around me.  I'm a gal that has huge insecurities.  It's not attractive or pretty.  I'm a girl who has a mountain of regrets.  It weighs on me every single day of my life.  I'm a girl who has become someone most comfortable at home, inside these walls where no one can see me or hurt me or laugh at me.  No judgements.  Stepping outside these walls of protection without medication, without looking young, beautiful, perfect.  Without anyone there by my side for me to hide behind.  Where I am more than the wife.  Where I am more than someone's mother.  Where I am the woman that I was before I as the mother or the wife.  All things considered, should have me in a panic attack of such gigantic proportions that I should be hospitalized or at the very least paralyzed in fear.  Especially when all of my friends kept telling me how proud they were of me.   I mean, I know that they meant well, but it put such an insane amount of pressure on me that I thought I would burst.  I lost it a few times.  I let all my insecurities and my crazy voices sneak their way back in and I questioned and doubted everything.  

To be continued...

Prom...

The date

The Best Friend

Friends since Kindergarten

Leaving...

A Funny Thing Happened on My Way Home...

I had yet another interview yesterday.  Nerve-wracking in every sense of the word.  I studied, prepared, and prayed.  And then I went in.  I smiled, I answered, I asked, I responded, I took notes.  I met a few people, got a tour and left.  

What I didn't do.  I didn't vomit.  Okay, let's be clear - I wanted to, I almost did, but I figured it wouldn't be such a good idea.  I didn't let them see me sweat.  I didn't trip while walking, though walking in heels is something I'm not quite as good at as I once was.

Then I left.

On my way home I got a phone call.  Asking me to come back today for a second interview.  Then I got another phone call from Nordstroms offering me a job that I interviewed for 2 weeks ago.  Then I got a third call saying, forget the second interview - can you start on Monday!?

So, what did I do!?  I accepted the office position.  I start Monday.  I cannot believe I'm going to be working a rigid schedule again.  And I'm still a mom, a wife, a housekeeper, and all those other hats I wear.

The lesson?  God answers prayer.

Adventures In Interviewing and Other Stuff No One Cares About...

So, I'm trying to find a new job.  To be honest, I'm smart, witty, experienced, and a hard-worker.  But, can I tell you that the job market isn't what it used to be.  In fact, when I actually sat down and thought about it, I realized that the last time I had to interview for a job that wasn't simply a formality was 1985.    When I put this into thought the other day it really threw me off-kilter and I panicked for just a moment.

Today was my third interview and yowza it was not at all what I expected and definitely not a place where I would ever consider actually working.  Let me start by saying that they initially handled themselves in quite a professional manner, but they lied.  They sent me an e-mail asking me to be certain to dress in business professional attire, they did not present themselves in business professional attire.  Have you ever walked into a place and every fiber of your being just told you to run?  Well, I didn't listen to my gut and I stayed.  I stayed in the lime green office with club music blaring loudly while the chipper, punky brewster looking receptionist/interviewing person greeted me in her hyper (bordering on spastic) persona.  The girl spoke so quickly I had to take a moment after processing what she said just so I could decipher it.  Words blended into sentences and sentences into paragraphs.  It was like watching a live infomercial presented by an auctioneer.  And no, although I wish I was, I am not exaggerating.

If this is what is out there for jobs or careers, then I am afraid.  Afraid not only for myself, but for the many other people out there searching for a job.

I am not giving up hope or the fight, but I am approaching it with a new and different attitude.  I'm going to be more selective.  More cautious.

So, fingers crossed that the interviewing process begins to go a little bit smoother and that I actually find a job that is a good fit for me.  Between now and then, I have to survive Prom and the 4th grade State Fair, plan and prepare and host the 4th grade picnic, go on a field trip, gear up for the summer and cheerleading and whatever else may be thrown my way between now and then.  I'm doing my best to not be anxious or full of worry and have faith that God is in control of everything and it will all work out, but can I just be honest and say that it is not easy.  I really want to know that everything will be okay and I would like to know the plan.  Doubtful that it will happen that way, but I'm putting it out there.

A Bit of This and a Dash of That

I have been doing a little bit of everything.  Planning, praying, cooking, cleaning, changing, exercising, and the list goes on and on.

First, prayer.  Never ever underestimate the power of prayer.  Pray without ceasing.

Second, planning.  I'm a planner.  It's both good and bad.  But, I still plan.  I have started planning my youngest son's summer plan.  Yup, we work on school work all summer so that his brain doesn't turn to mush.  I've done this with all my children and it has helped them all.  The other evening he and I sat down and chose his summer reading list.  Here is what we chose.

Pokemon #13 (graphic novel)
Pokemon #14 (graphic novel)
Harry Potter (book #1)
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
Havoc
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Treasure Island
James and the Giant Peach
Ramona's World
Ramona Forever
Stone Fox (re-read)
The Cay
The Diary of Anne Frank
Diary of a Wimpy Kid (re-read)
Thomas' Choice

Books on the "maybe list" are...

The Indian in the Cupboard
The Dark is Rising
The Phantom Tollbooth
Island of the Blue Dolphins
Dicey's Song
Number the Stars
From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler
A Wrinkle in Time

I'm still working on my list, but I know that I really want to read at least part of the Harry Potter Series (yes, gasp, I still have not read that series).  Some other books that are on my "list" are...

Water for Elephants
The Red Tent
The Secret Garden
Vanya
Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm (a book I read many times as a young girl and I want to re-read it)

I am back on the exercise - weight loss wagon.  I had fallen off briefly.  Having my eldest son here and all of his issues and disruptions have caused me a great deal of grief and anxiety.  Not that I should allow anything to be an excuse, but I did.

I have been job-hunting.  Not sure how that will play out, but if it is God's will that I go back to work full-time, He will put me exactly where I need to be.  It has been interesting interviewing.  Things surely have changed since the last time I had to interview for any job.

Prom is rapidly approaching and it's exciting and lots of work.  Such an event in a young girl's life.  I can still remember my prom and recently spoke with my date.  It was fun to touch base.  He's married and happy and has two children.  I remember him fondly and we had such a fun evening (all those years ago).

Cheerleading will be starting up again in just a few weeks.  Tonight is our welcome to the team meeting for the 2011-2012 season.  My daughter's last year of High School Cheer.  Not sure how that could be possible, but it is.  Bittersweet for sure.


So, my plate is full, but so is my heart.

Summer Reading...

Summer is just around the corner and I am absolutely looking forward to having the down time.

#1 on my list of personal things to do for rest and relaxation is enjoy some great books.

So, my question to you all is this...

What is your absolute, all-time, favorite book??

Your favorite summer time read ever??

What book is on your "must read" list??

Some that I am considering??

Definitely something from Jane Austen.  Perhaps A Secret Garden.  Maybe Little House on the Prairie Series.  Maybe the Harry Potter Series?  Red by Sammy Hagar, The Dressmaker of Khair Khana by Gail Tzemach Lemmon, True You by Janet Jackson, The Complete Adventures of Alice by Lewis Carroll, and well, to be honest, my list is endless.  But endless and must be read are not the same.

So, what do you have to offer me ???  Any suggestions??

Milestone Event...

I have one daughter.  Just one.  She is a junior in high school.  My daughter is shy and modest.  Yes, she is a cheerleader and I realize that seems like an oxymoron, but it's true.  Springtime in your junior year (and senior) means Prom.  My daughter has never had a boyfriend.  Never been on a real date.  She has been to one dance and she went with a group of girlfriends.  Things are much different today than when I was a girl in high school.  Despite not having fond memories of high school, I do have great memories of Prom.  My daughter insisted she is not. going. to. prom.

Last week her best friend Colin was over asking me for advice on a fun way to ask a girl to Prom.  Boys do crazy, creative things these days to ask a girl.  I don't know what ever happened to simply asking, but they don't.  So, the "Prom" discussions began again.

So, my daughter and I are heading to the mall to get some necessities and I bring up the subject.
Me..."So, if someone asked you to Prom, would you go?"
Daughter..."Someone did want to ask me, but I told him and everyone else not to bother, because I do not want to go, so do NOT ask me."
Me..."Well, that seems really crazy and slightly rude honey.  Why do you feel that way?"
Daughter..."Because either dad or my brother or my cousin will embarrass me!"
Me..."So, if I PROMISE that no one will embarrass you, would you reconsider?  I think that this is a memory that you cannot ever get back if you choose to skip it.  Certain things you get a do-over on, this is not one of them."
Daughter..."If you can guarantee that they will not make idiots of themselves and interrogate the boy, then I would go."
Me..."So, you promise!?  If you promise, I will promise that IF your dad, brother, or cousin embarrass you, I will give you $500."
Daughter..."Yes, I will promise to go."

So, we hit the mall with a whole new purpose.  Prom dress shopping.

I've learned a few things along the way in my life.  One is, do not judge a dress on a hanger.  Not every color is for every gal.  Not every cut/style is for every gal.  The only way to learn what looks best on your body type and skin tone is to try on dress after dress.  Just because they make it in your size does not mean you should wear it.

I have done my very best to teach my daughter these lessons too.  I'm proud to say, she's getting good at it.

The first dress she tried on, was "the one".  But, to be certain, we tried on others as well.  LOTS of dresses.  We still went back to "the one".  We didn't purchase it, because it's good to sometimes sleep on these things.

On the way home, we had the following conversation...

Me..."Do you realize that we will get to do this one more time and then the next time we go dress shopping together, it will be for your wedding.?"
Daughter..."Are you crying?"
Me..."A little.  I never got to do this with my mother.  Not for Prom or for a wedding.  I was there when we shopped for your dress to come home in.  I was there when we shopped for your baptism dress.  I chose so many Easter and Christmas dresses too.  Now, we are shopping for your prom dress.  You are a young woman and I am so proud of you.  I hope that someday we will shop for your daughter's first dress together and I hope with all my heart that you will treasure these times as I do."
Daughter..."Great!  Now, I'm crying."

These are the moments in life that God blesses us with that make everything worth while.

Big Girl Panties

Okay, so yesterday this blog idea came to me and I felt I had to share.  Of course, part of me thought that perhaps I was insane because this is not your normal posting idea.  Now, I know that "Big Girl Panties" can make everyone think something different, but for me, right now, it means one thing.  Fat Girl.  So, if you're still with me and reading - or just insanely curious - I'll go on to explain.

As a kid I was always chubby.  Not fat, but definitely not skinny.  My mother was the queen of Chips, Dips, Junk Food and Pepsi (or RC as was her favorite back in the day).  I was happy though, but most likely a wee bit unhealthy.  Fast forward to age 19.  I found myself and got healthy.  I lost weight and looked fantastic and felt even better.  Then came babies and the weight struggle began.  After baby #3 (at age 34) the hormones were a mess and the weight gain - well, let's just say I never got back to pre-baby and he's 10!  The past 12 months or so I have been changing that, but it IS a daily struggle.  I have managed to lose a little over 50 pounds, but I have a long way to go.  To make matters worse, I still see that fat person in the mirror.  Not very pretty, no self-confidence, just frumpy.  I mean, I'm fat - I don't deserve nice stuff or to look good ever.  (okay, that's my evil side talking - I really do know better).

So, the other day I was out shopping with my daughter and we were getting her some pretty fun bras and panties for spring/summer.  She insisted I buy something for myself.  First off, unheard of!  Second off, I'm too big to wear those things - I wear the "big girl" panties from Target (or granny panties as we so lovingly call them).  Well, guess what!?  I bought myself some pretty "stuff" and nope, I do not look like I once did, but I FEEL better.

See, I was losing my motivation lately.  I mean, I'm going to be 45 (yikes!) and my life is chaotic and frankly on most days, I'd rather lie in bed with the covers over my head than get out and face the world.  Working out!?  Hasn't been a regular habit lately because everyone else has been the priority.  So, I was feeling frumpy, old, and well, mighty danged comfortable in those big girl panties.

Who would have thought that one little pretty thing could bring about so much inspiration!?  Make you feel just a little prettier.  But a little bounce in your step.  Make you feel a little more like a woman and a little less like a mother, nurse, maid, cook, chauffeur, homework buddy, personal shopper, (well you get the picture).  I mean, come on - no one sees them.  (Okay, I don't care what the current style is - if my underwear are ever sticking out of my jeans it is an accident!) But, for whatever reason, I feel better.

So, if you're like me and you're walking around in your big girl panties (or whatever silly little frumpy thing that you've allowed to put you in a rut) let me tell you that YOU are worth it.  YOU do deserve something pretty and feminine and just for you.

Random Thoughts...

So, I've been back and forth, here and there - varying thoughts and ideas and attempting to come up with what to share next.   I have found myself in a bit of a state of rebellion, confusion, and well - a bit overwhelmed.  So, this morning I am approaching life with a new attitude (so-to-speak).

So, here's the random thoughts...

1.  Absolutely have decided to do hard wood floors in the bedrooms as opposed to carpeting.  Almost, changed my mind on this as we have had a few sleepovers this week and hard floors and sleeping bags are not a good combination.  But, I love the look, the healthier aspects of hardwood and the ease of cleaning them, so bye-bye carpeting!!!

2.  The all-white bed (inspired by Pottery Barn) is the winner!  I do so love change and the best and least expensive way to achieve my need for change is to keep the basics simple and neutral.

3.  My son's bedroom is coming along nicely and honestly looks even better than I had hoped it would.  I cannot wait to get the hardwood flooring laid in their and start decorating!!

4.  This is spring break week for my kids and the weather has been cold, rainy, and even some snow yesterday.  Gotta love Chicago.

5.  All this dreary weather has me in a frump.  Hoping for sunshine soon.

6.  I'm finding inspiration in random places lately.

7.  I have been finding myself re-evaluating my priorities lately and discovering that sometimes it's easier for me to let everyone else become the priority rather than face my own realities.  Sad, but true.

8.  I've been working on a bible study, Breaking Free by Beth Moore, and although there have been some days in the study that I felt did not really apply to me, there have been other days (especially recently) where I cannot even get through one day of study on one day.  For example, yesterday's study took me both yesterday and today to get through.  Powerful stuff.

9.  I have been reading a book called Love & Respect and as much as I was hoping to learn one lesson, I'm learning something completely different.  Ever hear an annoying voice in your head tell you that you're doing it wrong?  UGH.  LOL  That voice is getting to sound like a broken record in my life these days.

10.  I have discovered that I have strong rebellious tendencies and it is only when I allow myself to be quiet in the moment that I can feel the heaviness of heart that these tendencies cause in my life.

11.  I find joy in simplicity

12.  I have lost a sparkle in my eyes that I have noticed lately and I long to have that sparkle return

13.  My daughter is struggling to decide what she would like to do with her life, educational choices and career choices.  She keeps looking to me for the answers and for me to tell her what to do.  Although this would be easy to do, I know it is the one thing that I cannot do.  It is a difficult moment when you have to look at your child and say, this is a choice that you have to make on your own and although I can help you by pointing out the pros and cons of each choice, ultimately the choice must be your own.

14.  Life sometimes looks like a field of wild flowers.  You can choose to see the beauty of it or you can see simply weeds.