Stinkin' Thinkin' & a Post-It From God

I kinda feel bad that I shared my icky recordings that play in my head.  I've been praying a LOT about this "baggage" that I've been carrying around for so many years.  God does not want us to be weighed down by all this baggage from our past.

Today I found myself racing through my day because of an abundance of work that God has blessed me with and as I was driving quickly from work to errand destination #1 I was listening to K-Love (my favorite radio station) and I got a post-it note from God.  (I LOVE when that happens)  The disc jockey was talking about how the other day she received a letter from a listener describing how the listener is annoyed because she doesn't pronounce the "ing" at the end of words - it always sounds like she says "in". The listener was so annoyed that she said she would not listen to her show anymore.  The disc jockey then said that she was troubled by this letter for a long time.  The negative words kept repeating over and over in her mind.

We all do this.  The negative things people say to us we seem to hang on to.  For days, months, years.  We hang on to them and never let them go.  They seem to become a prominent thought in our minds.  Pushing back all the positive thoughts so that they become lost.

And there we have the post-it note.

God doesn't see us in those negative lights.  He doesn't want us to hang on to those negative words, thoughts, moments in time.  We are all much more than that.  We are all capable of anything and everything.  He wants us to let go of all that negativity and embrace the positive in our lives.

So every time a negative thought comes into my mind, I will not allow it to remain there.

I will also carefully choose the words I use when I speak to others.  I want to lift them up, not tear them down.

Running On...

So, I want to be a runner.  At my age, kind of a scary thought.  But, it's a dream of mine.

I got a great book, I talked about it before, and it has a plan.  I'm a gal who needs a plan.

But what if the plan and you don't move at the same pace?  Do you quit or just keep moving?

Yup, I noticed that my pace doesn't quite match the pace of the book.

Plus, I've got this baggage.  I've got LOTS of baggage.

And nope, it's not Louis Vuitton.

Baggage is really difficult to deal with.

I hear voices in my head.  Voices from my past that play over and over in my head like a recording.  "You're never going to amount to anything"  "You can't do THAT"  "Can't you do anything right?"

I've also got to deal with WHY I have a weight problem to begin with.  That's a whole 'nother kind of baggage.    I wasn't always heavy.  In fact, I was really thin.  My mother was always heavy.  My sisters also heavy.  Once at a family event, my mother introduced me as "her anorexic daughter that she had no idea where she came from".  At Christmas time my mother used to tell me that my sisters got more gifts because they were heavy and my clothes cost too much because I was skinny.  My sisters once made signs that said "People Against Ethiopians" (meaning I was sickly skinny) - my mother encouraged them and laughed along side them.

When I got pregnant, I was bedridden and developed some things that caused me to gain a lot of weight. My mother and sisters laughed at me and called me names and made fun of my weight gain.  I lost the weight after I delivered, but I can still hear the jokes in my head.

After my last pregnancy, I developed a depression problem and was medicated and had a series of life changes that caused me to gain even more weight.

I think a part of me actually thought that somehow my mother would accept me "more" if I was heavy.  Nope, didn't happen.

I was always a blonde and my mother and sisters had dark dark hair.  I stuck out like a sore thumb.

My mother often said that she is convinced the hospital gave her the wrong baby.

Why do I say all of this?  Well, let me be clear.  I do not want pity.  But I have had these flooding thoughts as I have sat in prayer so that I could overcome these issues.  I never understood why I had such an unhealthy relationship with food.  I never understood why I was always clawing to get my mother's approval.  I never understood why I doubted that I could ever do anything outstanding.

Things that are said to us are carried around like baggage.  They remain with us forever unless we can leave them at the cross.

I am learning to do this.

It's time that I got my life in order and achieved what I was meant to.  I need to be all that God intended for me to be.

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me is the biggest lie ever told.

But, in Jesus Christ I am learning that...

I AM worthy
I AM free
I AM loved
I CAN

Tuesday Tid-Bits

1.  No school today for the elementary children - the schools are being used for voting.  Fingers crossed for the election.  (nope, not touching politics here)

2.  Halloween was fun and simple.  I cook big for the day, but simple stuff in crockpots (chili, sloppy joe, and tacos) and everyone can stop by and eat when they want.  This year was super big and super fun.

3.  It's November and Thanksgiving is right around the corner.  This year we're going to create a new tradition for my family.

4.  Christmas!?  Oh my - it's getting super close.

5.  I got to meet Kat Von D - she's more beautiful in person (didn't think that was possible) and her charming personality really is sincere.  LOVE her!!

6.  Finally cooler weather is here and I'm loving every single minute of it

7.  I can't sing.  Honestly, I swear I'm tone deaf.  I have a horrible voice.

8.  I'm sticking to working out 5-6x a week and I'm really feeling better!!

9.  I'm struggling with my sugar addiction - it's frustrating, but I'm praying about it

10.  I can't believe I'm sharing pictures of myself.

11.  I'm determined to enjoy a joyful and calm holiday season

12.  My husband and I are "dating" again - it's really wonderful  (yup, we're dating each other)

13.  I'm getting ready to take my daughter on her first "college visit" - very difficult

14.  I'm slowly (and cautiously) knocking down my walls of protection that I have built - very scary for me

15.  I should be folding laundry right now, but I really want to sit here and savor my coffee

16.  I'd really rather be sleeping

17.  I want more free time every day