Daydreaming 2...

Daydreaming...

I have been daydreaming lately. Springtime, sunshine, clean air, a new canvas, new inspiration. These photos are among the many that inspire me.

What Would ----- Do?

So, you're just traveling through life dealing with the occasional pot-hole and fork in the road when life throws a tornado into the mix just to make things exciting.  So, I'm in such a situation and although it may be near impossible for you to put yourself in my shoes, I'm interested in hearing what YOU would do.  

Long story short...

I have a sister who is messed up with a capital M.  She's been a drug-addict, a prostitute, she has a felony record, she's bi-polar and is HIV positive.  She is 35.  She has a son who is 18, one who is 12 and one who is 3 - all different fathers and to be truthful we are only certain about one father.  The father of the 3 year old, who is all that my sister is and then some.  My parents have raised her older two boys literally their entire life; they have custody of the boys, my sister has no rights.  Her youngest boy was taken from her about 2 years ago and is in foster care in Florida, where she was living.  I received a call yesterday from agencies requesting me call them in regards to taking on the responsibility of said nephew.  Thus far tests have been negative for HIV, but it appears that he may be autistic and have other complications.  He was born at 1 lb. 8 ounces and addicted to drugs.  The other boys both have HUGE issues due to their mother's abandonment, and other things.

So, the question is, what do I do?  If I think logically, I know that emotionally and financially I cannot take on this child.  If I think with my heart, I know that Jesus would not hesitate to take this child and love him unconditionally.  I wasn't ready for this.  I'm not ready for this.  My reasons for not seem so completely selfish I'm almost ashamed of myself.  

Then on the flip-side I am angered that my sister keeps having children and just dumping them places and moving on with her life.  She walked out 7 years ago this past September and showed up again in our lives this past December.  Chances are she will do this again - she's been doing this since she was 14.  

So, what would YOU do?

Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes

So, if you've been following me for a while you know that I recently went to work full-time for the company that we own. I have always worked for the company, but I've been working from home for the past zillion years or so. This change took place in January when the kids went back to work after school started again. It's been a rough adjustment and I'm still tweaking it, but I think it's important for me to know the ins and outs of our company so that I can be prepared to handle the daily activities completely on my own, should something happen to my husband. Life holds no guarantees and no-one is going to be there to pay my way through life should I have any misfortunes ahead in my future.

So, I am adding another element to my life. I'm going back to school. I've chosen my classes and I will start in the summer semester, taking 2 classes two times a week. I will be at school from 1:00 till 9:00 each Tuesday and Thursday. I will have a 2-hour window of time between the classes to focus on studies or whatever need may arise.

I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm feeling pretty great about my decision.

Go - Me! (well, I do need a cheerleader ya know)

"The ultimate choice for a man,

 in as much as he is given to transcend himself, 

is to create or destroy,

 to love or to hate."

Erich Fromm

Peaceful Sundays

Proverbs 17:9

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. (NLT)

"What we do for ourselves dies with us. 

What we do for others and the world, 

remains and is immortal." 

Albert Pine

On Saturday hubby and I decided to have some quiet time at home and just relax and enjoy a movie.  I chose what I thought would be a great Valentine's movie, a romantic comedy.  I chose P.S. I Love You.  Well, I've gotta warn ya, if you haven't seen this movie, it is NOT a romantic comedy.  It is a wonderful movie, but I boo-hoo'd through the whole thing.  There was a chuckle or two here and there, but this movie was moving and truly a tear-jerker.  

Hillary Swank was wonderful (as always) and her Irish Lads were dreamy!

So, although I enjoyed the movie and the time with hubby, I thought I would be laughing and instead I was crying.  

Has anyone else seen this movie?  I'd love to hear what YOU thought of it.

Peaceful Sundays

Song of Solomon 8:7

Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned. (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.

It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

I Corinthians 13:4-8

Life's greatest happiness is 

to be convinced we are loved.

Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885) 

Les Miserables, 1862

Not so long ago I posted to let you all know about a movie release. The movie was called Fireproof. Just as I said I would, I ran out and purchased the movie, but I didn't watch it (it's a pattern with me).

For those of you who follow my blog, you also know that I've been having some troubles lately.

This past week those troubles exploded and I was faced with a raging fire that had me stuck in the middle, not knowing which way to turn because I would likely be burned regardless of the path I chose.

These troubles involve many aspects of my life, but my marriage was in the forefront.

On Saturday, my husband and I attempted to try to talk about things and then we both became quite frustrated and stopped.  For whatever reason, I asked him if he would like to watch a movie (now, I'm not insane, but I have been trying to make peace on the homefront for the sake of the children - they don't need their parents turmoil) and he agreed.  Fireproof was up top of the dvd player, so I unwrapped it and put it in.  Now, truly folks, I knew it was about a marriage, but I just assumed it was about a husband getting hurt on the job and a wife's struggle to choose to stay and care for him or to leave.  Apparently, I was mistaken.  No sooner had we started the movie when the couple began to argue.  Not only were they arguing, but they were arguing using the same words my husband and I use (okay, we throw in a bad word now and again).  Fast forward a bit to where the wife has dinner with girlfriends and she says word for word the exact same things I had just said to my husband earlier that evening.  

I caught him glaring at me after that scene, at which point I reminded him that I JUST unwrapped the movie, I hadn't watched it before.  Then he wanted to know WHO recommended this movie to me and what had I told them?  I assured him that I received an e-mail about this movie from someone who doesn't even know me or him.

By the end of the movie, my husband and I were sitting in our chairs with our mouths hanging open because this was truly a God-Thing.  His hand was in it from the word go.

After the movie, we didn't really talk, we just went about our business but we both knew that there would be no more troubles.  We would somehow make our marriage, our family work.  Yesterday was the most peaceful and contented day I have had in at least a year.

God is good.

Peaceful Sundays

1 John 4:8 

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (NIV)

Revelations...

Have you ever done something, something you were hesitant on, but did it anyway?  I recently did this and am still trying to figure out what happened.

I ventured into this situation after carefully weighing out what could and could not happen, what should and should not happen, as well as what would and would not happen.  I thought that I had given thought to all the possible outcomes of this event only to find out that I hadn't.  

I ended up learning something that had never crossed my mind.  This lesson is still puzzling my mind, 14 hours later.  Maybe you can't go back?  Maybe things really do work out a specific way for a reason.  Do you always want what you don't have without realizing that what you truly want and need is exactly what you have?  Do we interpret contentment incorrectly?  Perhaps the happiness we are expecting isn't realistic.  Maybe the best that there is, is gentle contentment and happiness and giddy butterflies are for those of us who haven't matured and seen the truth of life's hard times.

What I discovered was that time passes and people change.  As we age we become a more authentic version of ourselves.  People can love in many ways, being in love is different than loving.  It's okay to feel, to hurt, and sometimes just to let go.  Maybe what we really want is to know that what was - was and what is, is better.  Different, not what we hoped for, not what we expected or what we thought we wanted, but what we need.  

Is it okay to be happy for knowing that someone else is content in a way that we had hoped for for ourselves and still be envious?   Do some decisions from our past continuously haunt us where we wonder, "what if"?  Do we all do this at some point as we mature?  Look back on our past, the decisions that we made that shaped our misshaped lives?  Can we ever truly let go or do we all find ourselves caught up in a daydream every once in a while?

Do you ever just ask yourself, how did I get here?  Not "here" as in the beginning of man here, or my parents got funky (ewwww) and I was created, but the here as in the here and now.  In this house, with this person, with these children, these bills, these morals and values, these friends, etc.?  

So, I discovered that I'm happy for someone else who has found contentment.  The contentment I have longed for, the contentment I desired.  And although I feel envy, I am happy for this person.  Contentment is what carries us through the rough spots.  That comfort of just being and knowing it is right and okay.

I desire contentment.

“There is no end of craving. Hence contentment alone is the best way to happiness. Therefore, acquire contentment.”
Swami Sivananda

“It is better to want what you have than to have what you want.”
Philemon
Proverb quotes

Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.

William James (1842 - 1910)

You can shower a child with presents or money, but what do they really mean, compared to the most valuable gift of all - your time?  Vacations and special events are nice, but so often the best moments are the spontaneous ones.  Being there.  Every moment you spend with your child could be the one that really matters.

Tim Russert

FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE:

It is not a lack of love, 

but a lack of friendship 

that makes unhappy marriages.

Infantile love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved."

Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love."

Immature love says: "I love you because I need you."

Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."

Erich Fromm

Today while I was driving to work, just lost in thought it happened.  Okay, let me back up and explain.  A long time ago when I became a Christian I was struggling with some issues and I was so confused at how my Christian friends just "knew" what God wanted from them.  I joked that I'm slow and I need God to leave me a "post-it".  A dear friend of mine sent me a card with a post-it note inside signed "Love God".  So, I'm the silly Christian always looking for that smack me in the head message from the big guy.  

Things have been rough lately.  Not just for me, but for everyone I know.  But, I've been struggling in lots of areas and I haven't been making the best choices.  In fact, I'm pretty ashamed of my lack of, well anything.

So, back to my story.  

I'm driving to work, minding my own business, lost in thought - just trying to get my mood up to make it through the day when I got my "post-it".  

On a sign, at a church no less, was in big as life letters...

When times are trying, don't stop trying!

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.

ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.

DENIS WAITLEY

Superbowl XLIII...

Congratulations Steelers!

The game was exciting.  History was made.  Who knew a guy that big could run so far, move so quickly, and rock past everyone for a touchdown!?  VERY exciting.

Then, there was THE BOSS.  Oh how I have oogled over this man for years.  He is fine and has one awesome bootie (or is it bootay?).

 I love his music, I love to look at him.  Hubby laughs at my crush.  I've had a crush on him since the early 80's and as I've matured, my crush remains extreme.  He sure can move still and I'm sure he was singing as well, but perhaps I didn't hear it all.  I did however TIVO it for future admiration, er uh, viewing.

The commercials?  In my opinion failed miserably in comparison to years past.  My favorite one was the e-trade commercial with the babies.  Only because they reminded me of my son and my nephew when they were wee ones.  

So, now what?  No more football...Baseball season is months away.  We still have basketball and I have been reminded that Drag Racing (NHRA) starts next week.  

Peaceful Sundays

Ephesians 5:33 

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (NIV)